Today, 5/18/12, will go down in history.  Facebook has become (NASDAQ: FB).  38 bucks a share.

Why is everyone on the edge of their seat today?  Will there be a Facebook’s IPO pop?  Then a crash? A lot of us are drawn in by the entertainment factor.  Sure, it will be cool to see what happens.  And seeing just how much money is at play is jaw dropping and eye popping.

But there’s a bigger issue at play.  Facebook is the focus of our attention today because of the fact that they are the leader.  Today is about Social Leadership. What will happen to the leader?

Facebook has been, and continues to be a leader in social.  (Duh.)  And while Google+ has made a most amazing effort to lead the way, they can’t catch Facebook.  It’s too late.  When a leader pulls this far ahead of the pack, there’s simply too much of a gap.  There’s a virtuous cycle that compounds their success.  Why go build your own social network somewhere else?  Start all over? Nope.

So will FB pop or crash today?  We’ll see.  Let’s watch the Social Leader lead the way…

Before I explain what this “leader” did, let me explain something that’s rather commonsensical: a leader may or may not be someone in a leadership position…

That is, you can be a leader in leadership position, or not. And you can be a leader, or not. 

So what did this leader do?  He was irresponsible…

I’ll explain.  In my work at a small but growing professional services firm (name concealed to protect the guilty), this individual–the boss of my executive coaching client–did the following things…in spite of being a great guy!

He caused huge levels of dis-engagement.  Here’s what he did:

1. He didn’t let people feel the pride that comes with accomplishment.  Instead, he pulled people off of projects before they were complete.  He also didn’t give recognition to the people who were instrumental in a project’s success.
2. He actively blocked others’ progress on important projects.  He would throw curve balls, take a “devil’s advocate” position in the final hour, and create new obstacles to block progress.
3. He took credit for success created by others, and gave them the blame for any missteps.
4. He blamed the messenger frequently.  Anyone who brought him bad news, or was brutally honest about about real challenges, was victimized.
5. He made people feel like crap.

Regardless of this individual’s success as a leader (e.g., “visioning innovative strategies,” “aligning to execute complex initiatives”), he wasn’t being a leader, in spite of his leadership position.

Change Management Issues are Really Leadership Issues

Change management problems are often viewed as an “organizational issue.”  But really, it’s all about  leadership.

Why? And what are the Top 3 Things You Need to Know as a leader? 

1. The number one contributor to a change management success story is having strong, consistent and visible leadership behind the change messaging.   This seems obvious, but what’s not obvious is the fact that leaders need to be like a broken record, stating over and over what the vision is, where we are, where we need to be, and how we’ll get there.   Too many leaders think they need to say things once, or a few times.  Few leaders speak enough, and consistently enough, about the change from…and change to… And employees really want to hear messages about change from two people: the CEO and their immediate supervisor.  And those messages better be clear and encouraging.
2. The biggest risk to your change management initiative is employee “resistance”at all levels in your organization.  But “resistance” is often not really “resistance”…That is, just because people are not changing from the old way to the new way doesn’t mean they’re resistant.  Usually, it’s because they’re waiting for more clarity, have not been told what’s in it for them, and what the tactical implications are for the strategic-level changes.  The top psychological reasons for “resistance” are:
   • lack of awareness about the changes (i.e., not enough information),
   • comfort with the ways things are (i.e., we’re creatures of habit), 
   • fear of the unknown (i.e., people chose the devil they know over the devil they don’t), 
   • worry about losing control, (i.e., having less control creates anxiety)
   • general work overload (i.e., people don’t have time for this stuff right now…)
3. When leaders are asked what they would do differently next time in their change management efforts, most report that they would begin their change management activities earlier.  And they would appreciate changes as being more systemic, rather than viewing them as add-on or an afterthought.  Essentially, they would integrate changes systemically earlier, and not just talk about it.

How do you lead a startup? In many ways, that’s a crazy-complicated question to answer.

But, watch this short video by Nirvan Mullick, about Caine’s Arcade.

There’s a simple and inspiring message about startup leadership found in this video.

First, do something.

Caine might have been sitting around a bunch of cardboard boxes, bored out of his mind. Or maybe he’s a creative genius born to change the world.  But who cares.  What matters most is that he did something.  He took action. He came up with an idea: build something cool with all these cardboard boxes laying around.

Caine didn’t read Eric Ries’ book on Lean Startups, but he did build a MVP (Minimally Viable Product). He has not learned Steve Blank’s Customer Development Methodology, or worked through Alexander Osterwalder’s Business Model Generation book.  He just did something.

Second, test and refine the product based on your vision.

Maybe it’s a chicken and egg question…Did Caine have a vision first, or start building something first?  My guess is he just started building stuff, with a very basic idea. I wouldn’t call that “a vision.”

Playing around with an idea, AS you build something is the point.  Management professionals often tell you to start with the vision and mission and core values.  Then lay out the strategy.  That makes sense, to some degree, but not for startups.  Maybe Caine came up with a grand vision at some point, or maybe he will.  But that’s beside the point.

Third, be prepared. The harder you work, the luckier you get.

When Caine’s first visitor arrived, Caine had clearly thought things out. He had already tested the product himself.  There had been plenty of iterations in the design.  He even had the little tickets ready to come out of the ticket dispenser.  Important details were incorporated.  And he hadn’t just built one game.  He built an arcade.  He even had his own shirt made!  He was prepared for opportnity.

3.1 Tip: Get Lucky!

Okay, so this is really is the fourth “tip.” And it’s not really a tip.  But it does bring up an important point.  Luck is part of the equation. Nirvan Mullick showed up that day.  He decided to play.  He just happened to be a videographer who knew the power of Reddit and social media.  He believed in Caine, and the bigger story behind Caine. (America needs more entrepreneurs. We need to get back to our roots, be empowered, and do something! The government ain’t bailing us out!)

Bust most importantly, Nirvan Mullick followed Tip #1: He did something!

Are you the leader of a startup?  Are you ready to do these 3.1 things?

1. Do something!
2. Test and refine the product or service!
3. Be prepared. The harder you work, the luckier you get!
4. (3.1) Get lucky. (Or at least position yourself in such a way as to be lucky.)

If you would like help getting your startup leadership going, send me a note at curt@leadpeople.com. Cheers!

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook since 2008, and former Vice President of Global Online Sales and Operations at Google, gives a great talk at TED.

Sandberg’s talk is on why women are not making it to the top of organizations here in the US and globally.  Women comprise only seven to twenty percent of top-level leadership positions (C-suite or Boards).  This is clearly unacceptable.  Fortunately, Sheryl doesn’t blame men or women.  Both are to blame.  Rather, she focuses on why, and what women can do about it.  (There’s plenty men need to do too, but she doesn’t go there in this talk.)

Sheryl talks about three actions that women leaders can take.

1. Sit at the table
2. Make your partner a real partner
3. Don’t leave before you leave

Sit at the table is literally about siting at the table during meetings.  Don’t sit on the sidelines to listen.  And “sit at the table” means engage, be proactive, ask or even demand to be a part of what’s going on.  Put your hand up.  Don’t give up.  Be persistent.

Make your partner a real partner is about negotiating or demanding a fair balance in the work that happens at home.  Households with equal responsibility have half the divorce rate of those with unequal responsibilities.

Don’t leave before you leave is about the actions women take before they leave the workforce to have children.  Don’t start ramping down work responsibilities too soon.  Keep your foot on the gas pedal all the way until you leave on maternity.

Since she doesn’t describe what men need to do, send me your thoughts (curt@leadpeople.com)!

John: “Steve Jobs was a great leader.”

Rick: “Oh…no he wasn’t! Have you read the book?! A lot of people hated working for him!”

John: “He built the most profitable company in history, with amazing products that have changed the world!”

Rick: “But he put people down, was moody, inflexible and hard to work with.  He was a micromanager, and a bully.”

John: “But that’s not how to judge a leader.  He was a visionary…but also found a way to make it happen.”

Rick: “He was a visionary, yes.  But a visionary who was a maniacal manager of products, really.”

How to Measure Leadership Effectiveness

Ok…So what’s the verdict? And how do you measure leadership, anyway?

Here’s my take.  Steve Jobs was an incredible leader.  But of what?

He was not a great leader of people.  He was a technology leader, and a consumer leader, and a visionary leader. And ultimately, he was a product leader.  And more specifically, he was an amazing product-focused visionary leader.

He didn’t lead the hearts and minds of his employees as much as he led the products that would do that.  His products and product ideas inspired people more than he did as a leader.  He was interested in hearts and minds, for sure, but not his team’s so much as customers’.  It was user’s hearts and minds he was after.  He cared about their emotional reactions.  He wanted people to fall in love, but not with him as a leader.  Rather, he wanted moms, dads, kids, grandparents, and everyone to love technology, because of what it could do for them.

So, would Steve Jobs be considered an extraordinary leader?  Would you want to have been led by him? (I wouldn’t.)  Would Steve have brought out the best in you?  (Not me…)

Using the REAL Leader Framework, here’s how his scores break down:

RESULTS

On the Results scale…Steve’s Results?  C’mon!  If I could give him more than 100% (1 Star), I would.  Extra credit isn’t available, unfortunately.  Just like in the Olympics, a perfect 10 from all the judges is all you can get.

Steve Jobs’ legacy as a leader will be all about his Results.  I now can’t imagine any other leader ever getting a perfect score on the REAL Results scale.  Steve’s results changed the world.  All future leaders will be implicitly or explicitly compared to Steve Jobs when it comes to results.  Results Perspective: 1 Star.

ENGAGEMENT

Steve’s impact and engagement with his people wasn’t so great…so he only gets 60% credit here.  A lot of people couldn’t or wouldn’t work for him.  He was brutal.  Working for him was a bear, most have said.  His perfectionistic nature spiked anxiety in others and burnt people out.  His relentless nature was hard to embrace if you worked for him.  But, in spite of this, some people did rise to the occasion under his leadership, even if out of fear.  He did bring out the best in some people.  Some resilient tech brainiacs loved the craziness.  They loved the ride, and the roller coaster of emotions he generated.  So Steve, only a passing grade here is all I can give you.  Engagement Perspective: 0.60 Star.

ACTIONS

Mr. Jobs  gets a 100% for Action.  He was a doer and really made others take Action.  He focused on getting stuff done–the right stuff.   He could translate his vision into reality through action like no other.  He accelerated the process.  Competitors could not keep up with his pace.  His first product was built in his garage.  He never stopped turning ideas into action, making beautiful products that were magical.  Action Perspective: 1 Star.

LEADER

Steve gets 0.90 star for the “inner” Leader factors.  His vision was unrivaled.  He could see the future.  He could feel it.  He had a burning passion to create it.  He had “it” in him.  He was unrelenting.  He cared about quality, and delivering the goods, like no other.  “He was the most passionate leader one could hope for, a motivating force without parallel,” wrote Steven Levy, author of the 1994 book “Insanely Great.” But Steve didn’t appear to care about his people throughout his career, as much as other extraordinary leaders.  (He even apologized for this toward the end of his life.)  So, I must take off 10%… (There are some good reasons he got fired from Apple many years ago…)

In Steve Lohr’s recent NY Times piece, he suggests that if Steve Jobs had a motto, it may have come from “The Whole Earth Catalog,” which he said had deeply influenced him as a young man.  During Steve’s  commencement speech at Stanford in 2005, he ended with the quote “Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. I have always wished that for myself.”  Leader Perspective: 0.90 Star.

(SITUATIONAL “FIT”)

The Situational “Fit” perspective is an elusive factor to consider.  Steve  gets another full star for knowing the Situation and broader context he was in.  He knew the customer, the trends in tech, the true limitlessness of technology, and the business environment.  He knew the problems that needed to be solved.  He could appear to be like a fortune teller at times, his situational awareness was so strong.  Situation Perspective: 1 Star.

The Verdict

I’m giving Steve Jobs a 4.5 out of 5 stars on the REAL Leader scale.

Steve, you were an amazing leader that has set the bar high.  May you rest in peace.

Ever wonder how to make someone feel like crap?  Of course not! You’re not sadistic.

But you have wondered why some people make you feel like crap. Surely, you’ve had a boss who made you feel like crap.

But how did he or she do it?

Let me count the ways…

Here are 5 ways bosses make others feel like crap:

They tend to…

1. Have a “pop quiz” style — They test people.   They ask questions that make people uncomfortable.  Whether they have good intentions for asking the questions or not, their questions convey a lack of trust.  “What’s the delivery date for the project that Martin’s direct report  is working on?”  If you don’t know the answer, you will likely feel stupid for not knowing.  And (or so you’ll think) if your boss is asking, it must be something you should know. So, you feel like crap because you have been made to feel stupid.
2. Focus on what’s wrong — They start conversations about errors, miscalculations, problems, adjustments that need to be made, what’s broken, what needs fixing, the downside, the negatives… They don’t just “get in the weeds” and believe “the devil’s in the details.”  They focus on what’s wrong with the weeds, and all the negative aspects of the current situation, and what risks there are in the future.  You feel like crap because everything being talked about is about crap.
3. Have a blaming tone — They blame people, overtly or covertly.  They ask questions that convey blame, like “Why did you do it that way?” and “What made you think that was a good idea?”  Essentially, they’re saying, “What they hell were you thinking…you idiot!”  And when you explain your rationale, they’ll think you’re rationalizing.   Your explanation won’t be received as an explanation; it will appear to them like an excuse.   You will feel like crap, because you’re told you are crap and are to blame for all the crappiness around you.
4. Be emotionally unpredictable — They have emotional ups and downs, like the rest of us, but they don’t manage their emotions…and may be clueless about how much their emotional life is impacting their business life.  You’ll wonder if they are having a good day, or a bad day.  If they’re having a crappy day, you won’t be able to ask for time off.  You feel like crap, because life is unpredictable and non-nonsensical.  You also feel like crap because your boss feels like crap…and emotions are contagious.
5. Change the rules of the game — They keep changing what they want, when they want it, why they need it, who needs what, what it should look like, what it shouldn’t be like, etc., etc.  They make people spin in circles.  They might know what they want and be a bad communicator, or they might not even know what they want.  But either way, you feel like crap because you can’t know what’s expected.  All your hard work could be a big waste of your time and energy, which feels like crap.
6. I should have made this a top 10 list!  I’m just skimming the surface!  There are clearly more than 5 ways your boss makes you feel like crap, so please help me out.
   

Please comment, or email me five more ways your boss, or others in your organization or life, make people feel like crap.  (curt@leadpeople.com).

I recently overheard an executive complaining. “Who needs leadership theory?  We need to deal with reality!”

It’s true, leadership philosophies and models can be so theoretical that it’s difficult–if not impossible–to translate them into practical actions that inform effective leadership behavior.  To ensure that the REAL  Leadership Framework is a practical and valuable tool, here’s a case study from an executive coaching interaction I had recently.

It all began last week when I was working with a leader who was trying to decide what to focus on.  “What matters most? What do you think I should focus on?”, she asked.  Mind you, this leader was good…very good.  She didn’t really have all that much to develop, either.  But she wanted to be the best. She wanted to do it all:

• Have a bold vision of the future
• Develop her people to be outstanding
• Empower people to own problems and solutions
• Improve team dynamics
• Bring the enterprise into the future
• Collaborate cross-functionally
• Better connect the core product to customers’ needs
• Be a great listener
• Show courage
• Etc., etc.

This was clearly becoming a laundry list, but full of great stuff.

Her 360 feedback gave even more ideas about high-value targets for her development.  Yet, her 360 was “getting stale” and becoming irrelevant to her current role.  It was administered during a time of significant turbulence in her organization three months earlier.  At the time, her boss was starting to “move the chess pieces.”  New roles were being created, and three peers had been moved off the team.  And given the turmoil, she had shown her stress with some frustrating peers.  The timing of the 360-degree feedback couldn’t have been worse.

In addition to 360 feedback, she had also been thinking about insights from a new book she had started reading (i.e., Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain), which highlights the value of introverts in getting quality work done.  She wanted to leverage those insights on her team, given that most were in tax, legal, and software development functions…and inclined to be more introverted.

To add even greater complexity, her new boss was interested in having her contribute to a new marketing campaign that leveraged social media.  While she knew it would be interesting and potentially valuable to her own career, she felt like the learning curve would be steep, and not really what a VP should be doing.  And it also wasn’t part of her vision.

To help her narrow her focus on key developmental targets, I decided to present the REAL Leadership Framework.

First, I first explained to her, the foundation of leadership is herself—she’s a unique and complex person in the role of leader.  Within that foundation (the blue triangle in the graphic), I described how there are two parts broad to consider (basically, nature and nurture): her innate qualities she was born with (e.g., extroverted personality, raw intelligence, processing speed, ambitious drive and unending energy), and life experiences that have shaped her (e.g., financial experiences, formal education, experience with multinational corporations, etc).  My main point was that she should understand herself better first–in order to become more effective as a leader.  Only a small part of that triangle (the part at the top) was what she could change about herself.  (Changing behavior is different than changing who you are.)  I made it clear that she needed to consider herself as the raw ingredients of leadership: her authentic self, with her unique passions, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, hot-buttons, core values, motivations, etc.  Essentially, self awareness is foundational of self development.

Next, I explained that when it’s all said and done, there are just two things that define extraordinary leadership:

• Getting Results that really matter, and having
• Energized Relationships (i.e., followers, friends, fans)

If you achieve both of those, I explained, you will be an extraordinary leader.  Great relationships + great results = great leadership.  It’s that simple.

In the middle of the Framework, I explained how it’s really all about her behavior–taking actions that add value.  I call this the “How” part of the REAL Framework.  I asked, “What Actions do you need to take that will engage and Energize people that also help you get the Results that really matter?”  I helped her narrow down a small number of Actions concerning what Actions to Start, Stop and Continue.

• “I need to Start empowering people at a new level, so they own both the problems and the solutions.”
• “I need to Stop letting nice people off the hook when they don’t deliver.  Our team needs greater accountability.”
• “And I need to Continue painting a compelling picture of the future, and inspiring people to go after the opportunities I see within reach.”

The final part of the Framework, which can be a bit more elusive, has to do with her Situational “Fit,” I explained.  We know from the research literature that very successful leaders in one situation can fail miserably in another situation. They’re the same people (Leader) doing the same things (Actions), but not getting the Results or building Energized relationships.  For her to be successful, she had to be more aware of her surroundings: the culture of the organization, the team dynamics on the executive team, and the roles and responsibilities of her position. “Are you the kind of leader who’s needed here and now?”  I asked. “Absolutely” she quickly replied.

In this case, the REAL framework helped her get laser-focused on Actions that will accelerate her team’s performance that get results that matter.  And by being more aware of authentic self and the realities of her situation, she was all set.

Right then and there, she became REAL-focused.

I’d love to help you identify Actions that will make you an extraordinary leader.  Shoot me an email: curt@leadpeople.com and tell me your situation.

Reed Hastings…Please wake up!

The CEO and co-founder of Netflix, Reed Hastings, appears to be missing his wake-up call. He’s hitting snooze. He’s not listening to any of it.

Sure. He’s brilliant, and a forward-thinking execution-focused visionary. And what an impressive track record until recently! But his failure to listen to customers, and shift gears with them as he drives into the future with them, is ego-driven. He needs to apologize and start partnering with them.

Ever tried to shift gears from first to fifth? Your car will stall. This is essentially what Reed has done. It’s like he saw into the future that his car would eventually get into 5th gear, so why wait? “Fifth gear is the future, so I’m making the future now!” he must have thought. Now Netflix has shifted gears prematurely, and the engine is stalling badly. And Reed Hastings is not taking personal responsibility or apologizing. He’s not asleep at the wheel, but in a sort of trance.

For the sake of your own leadership development, let’s look at his leadership failures through the 5 LASER Leadership perspectives.

Leader

• He’s a very future-focused guy. That’s who he is. But, now he’s losing a grip on where the present reality lies.
• He’s smart, really smart. But, he may think he’s smarter than everyone else, including his customers.
• He sees the trends in the customer data so clearly, but he’s trying to get so far ahead of them, that he’s leaving customers behind.
• He’s driven, and willing to take big risks. But his timing is off and he’s not listening.
• He’s rationalizing his failures, and his ego is in the way. “It can’t be ME who’s to blame” is the tone in his email (below).

Actions

• He’s made some very bold moves recently, by:
• Rebranding Netflix’s DVD service as Quickster.
• Charging twice the amount for those who want what they had before: the option of DVDs by mail and streaming.
• Sending this letter to all Netflix subscribers (below).
• Not apologizing for his errors. (He’s apologized for people’s feelings, not for his actions; see the half-hearted apologies and explanations, or rationalizations,  in his letter below).

Situation

• The customer situation: People want options for how to watch movies. (He’s now limiting those options.)
• They also want a price break if they get both DVD and streaming subscriptions. (He’s not giving a price break.)
• Competitors: Coinstar, their chief competitor, is growing much faster, and focusing on convenient DVD distribution.
• Technology: The shift to streaming is happening for sure, (but much slower than he thinks it is, or should be.)
• The selection of movies via streaming is much more limited than DVD’s.
• These are just the facts of the situation he’s operating within.

Engagement

• What’s Reed’s impact on people? He’s pissing off customers, loyal customers.
• He’s getting negative reactions to the Quickster brand.
• People are frustrated that Quickster and Netflix websites won’t have any integration.
• People have lost confidence in him, and he’s losing credibility further with disingenuous apologies.
• Reactions to his letter (from 25,000+ people on the Netflix blog) show people believe he’s not interested in making things right.
• People don’t feel he’s really hearing them. They feel he knows better, no matter what.

Results

• His recent actions have caused Netflix to miss their projections by 1,000,000 (one million) subscribers.
• Quarterly results are way off.
• The growth rate is dropping dramatically.
• Netflix’s stock is crashing.
• Competitors are gaining ground.

Here’s his half-apologetic (or half-hearted?) email he sent me. Judge for yourself.

—–Original Message—– From: Reed Hastings, Co-Founder and CEO of Netflix <info@netflix.com> To: curt*** Sent: Mon, Sep 19, 2011 3:53 am Subject: An Explanation and Some Reflections Dear Curt,I messed up. I owe you an explanation.It is clear from the feedback over the past two months that many members felt we lacked respect and humility in the way we announced the separation of DVD and streaming and the price changes. That was certainly not our intent, and I offer my sincere apology.Let me explain what we are doing. For the past five years, my greatest fear at Netflix has been that we wouldn’t make the leap from success in DVDs to success in streaming. Most companies that are great at something – like AOL dialup or Borders bookstores – do not become great at new things people want (streaming for us). So we moved quickly into streaming, but I should have personally given you a full explanation of why we are splitting the services and thereby increasing prices. It wouldn’t have changed the price increase, but it would have been the right thing to do.So here is what we are doing and why. Many members love our DVD service, as I do, because nearly every movie ever made is published on DVD. DVD is a great option for those who want the huge and comprehensive selection of movies. I also love our streaming service because it is integrated into my TV, and I can watch anytime I want. The benefits of our streaming service are really quite different from the benefits of DVD by mail. We need to focus on rapid improvement as streaming technology and the market evolves, without maintaining compatibility with our DVD by mail service. So we realized that streaming and DVD by mail are really becoming two different businesses, with very different cost structures, that need to be marketed differently, and we need to let each grow and operate independently. It’s hard to write this after over 10 years of mailing DVDs with pride, but we think it is necessary: In a few weeks, we will rename our DVD by mail service to “Qwikster”. We chose the name Qwikster because it refers to quick delivery. We will keep the name “Netflix” for streaming.Qwikster will be the same website and DVD service that everyone is used to. It is just a new name, and DVD members will go to qwikster.com to access their DVD queues and choose movies. One improvement we will make at launch is to add a video games upgrade option, similar to our upgrade option for Blu-ray, for those who want to rent Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360 games. Members have been asking for video games for many years, but now that DVD by mail has its own team, we are finally getting it done. Other improvements will follow. A negative of the renaming and separation is that the Qwikster.com and Netflix.com websites will not be integrated. There are no pricing changes (we’re done with that!). If you subscribe to both services you will have two entries on your credit card statement, one for Qwikster and one for Netflix. The total will be the same as your current charges. We will let you know in a few weeks when the Qwikster.com website is up and ready. For me the Netflix red envelope has always been a source of joy. The new envelope is still that lovely red, but now it will have a Qwikster logo. I know that logo will grow on me over time, but still, it is hard. I imagine it will be similar for many of you. I want to acknowledge and thank you for sticking with us, and to apologize again to those members, both current and former, who felt we treated them thoughtlessly. Both the Qwikster and Netflix teams will work hard to regain your trust. We know it will not be overnight. Actions speak louder than words. But words help people to understand actions. Respectfully yours, -Reed Hastings, Co-Founder and CEO, Netflix p.s. I have a slightly longer explanation along with a video posted on our blog, where you can also post comments.

So, for those of you who want to LeadPeople effectively, learn what not to do from Reed’s recent failures.

Albus Dumbledore, former Headmaster at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, said “You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.”

Growth is an important aspect of these wise words. We each have enormous potential to be extraordinary, and do extraordinary things.

The significance of choice is also embedded in Dumbledore’s wisdom. We can choose. We have the choice to grow into something great…or like Tom Riddle, something evil. And we can choose to focus on helping others grow and unleash their greatness, or choose to write them off.

Are you focusing on growth? Yours? Others’? Are you choosing to bring out the best in people? How do you help your people grow? And are you truly authentic in your desire to help others?  Can you guide someone through the winding career pathways and help them grow into what they are capable of being?  Can you be brutally honest—yet simultaneously caring—while creating a high impact conversation?

The best leaders feel enriched when coaching others, because they do it with the right frame of mind. They see coaching and feedback moments as gifts. It’s a two for the price of one experience.

To keep coaching simple, real, and enriching, here are three tips:

• Develop an honest relationship.  Just about anyone can develop some sort of relationship with someone, but not everyone is gifted at creating honest relationships.  Candor is truly hard. It takes guts, and requires effort.  It can feel like you’re being mean or hurtful, while others get defensive or feel beat up. Yet, an honest relationship is focused on being kind and candid, where perceptions and truth can be discussed in a future-focused way.

• Ask critical questions.  Honest relationship or not, coaching requires insightful questions and patience.  Most coaching conversations become emotional, whether overtly or under the surface. When critical or negative feedback is given, emotions get involved, and one’s self-concept gets involved. (“Do you not like me? Am I being ignored?  Do other people hate me?  Why isn’t anyone listening to me?”).  Asking questions provides the opportunity to slow the pace, deepen the conversation and develop an understanding around the facts and background.

Some of my (Kelley O’Hara’s)  favorite questions:

• When you say that, what does that mean?  What might it mean to others?
• Can you give an example?
• How did you come to that conclusion?
• What did you do next?  What do you want to do now?
• How can I help you?

These questions serve to clarify the challenges and they prevent more potential for miscommunication. You also have the chance to understand the individual’s thinking and help them clarify their own perspective. This gets you both to focus on actions and moving forward in partnership. As the coach, it is not your responsibility to fix the situation, but to be a part of it and help accelerate the journey toward greater effectiveness and purpose.

• Listen!  No really. Just listen. Listening seems as if it would be easy, but it is usually quite tough! Why?  There are many reasons. Often, leaders are used to solving problems quickly and efficiently. They want to cut to the chase. True listening requires being completely present, suspending some judgment, and not thinking much about what you are going to say next.

So as you develop more honest relationships, ask more insightful questions, and listen more deeply, make sure to choose growth.

Make sure you’re being like Dumbledore. Ask yourself if you are seeing the potential of what people can truly be. Are you helping to develop people into amazing human beings? Are you telling your team what they need to hear?  Don’t wait until it feels comfortable. Just do it. It’s okay that it’s uncomfortable.  And when in doubt, remember Headmaster Dumbledore.

Also remember that it truly does matter what someone grows to be. Choose to help them be extraordinary, and you’ll be more extraordinary yourself.